Where Do I Stand? (Unraveling, Learning Letting Go)

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve unknowingly caused harm-just by being messy, reactive, or caught in old patterns. Not out of cruelty but confusion. Not from malice, but unhealed pain.

I’ve made mistakes. Stayed silent when I should’ve spoken. Tried to soothe my insecurity by controlling situations. There are versions of me that I’ve had to face that I didn’t want to admit existed: The avoidant. The manipulative. The emotionally volatile. The one who performed vulneraability instead of living it.

And while I’ve learned to name those parts without collapsing into shame, I still ask myself: Am I doing the inner work or just circling the noise?

Sometimes the regret is loud. Sometimes the spiral tries to write my story for me. But I come back- not to erase the past- but to live differently now. To stop repeating patterns that hurt others even subtly. To let go of needing to be seen as “the good one.”

I’ve let go of the narratives that keep me trying to prove or protect my image. I don’t want to be a hero or a villain. I just want to be real. I want to live from presence, not performance. And most of all I want to stop holding onto the weight of the stories that aren’t mine to carry anymore.

Letting go isn’t the same as avoiding. I’ve faced it. I’ve named it. Now I’m releasing it.