The Impatient Caterpillar in My Head
Yesterday, I was watching Ms. Rachel with my son-one of those quiet, everyday parenting moments. The episode was about caterpillars, and one in particular stood out: a little guy waiting in his chrysalis, full of energy and zero patience. He kept asking, “Is it time yet? Is it time yet?” until finally, he burst out early… still a caterpillar. Not quite ready. Not quite transformed. He climbed back in, asked how long it would take. “Two weeks",” they said. “TWO WEEKS?!” he cried. But this time he waited. And when he emerged, he was a butterfly. He learned something about patience. I laughed when I saw it but also? I saw me. That’s how I’ve been with my own growth. I go through phases of doing everything right eating well, exercising, taking my vitamins. I feel like I’m finally on the tight path. And then… I don’t see progress fast enough. So i stop. Not pause. Quit. Sometimes the baby got sick. Sometimes life got heavy. Sometimes I just got tired of waiting. But if i’m honest, it’s that “all or nothing” mindset whispering again: If it’s not happening now, it’ll never happen. But this time, I want to be different. I want to be the caterpillar who stays in the chrysalis long enough to become something new. Even if it takes weeks. Or months. Or years. Because I owe that to myself. Because I am growing even when it doesn’t look like it. The butterfly doesn’t emerge because it tried harder. It emerges because it stayed inside long enough to change. So I’m learning to stay. To recommit, even after I stop. Not with guilt. Not with shame. Just.. with love. For the version of me I’m trying to become. For the life I want to live. For the example I want to set for my son. What I need is to trust the process. To move at my own pace. To remember that rest isn’t failure, and consistency isn’t the same as perfection. I’m still becoming. Even when it’s slow. Even when I have to start over again. This time, I won’t rush out of the chrysalis just because I am tired of waiting. I’ll stay long enough t0 rise into something new. For me. For real.
